Would you rather feel alone and unloved in the world OR would you rather feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone?
Regardless of what you would answer, a recent survey in the book, “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn, said that 3 out of 4 men would rather feel unloved.
Just as you want a man in your life to love you unconditionally, he needs you to demonstrate your respect for him regardless of whether he’s meeting your expectations at the moment.
“OK”, you may think… “I respect the man in my life. No biggie.
”However, most men surveyed in this book did not feel the respect. So, how do you respect your man… so that he actually realizes it!?
According to “For Women Only”, there are 4 key needs:
Need #1: Respect his judgment.
A man deeply needs the woman in his life to respect his knowledge, opinions and decisions. Show you respect him by calling on his knowledge in a given subject.
Need #2: Respect his abilities.
Men often need to figure things out for themselves and if they can, they feel like they’ve conquered something and are affirmed as men. So… next time he is trying to put together the new shelf from IKEA… don’t try to help him (unless he asks)!
Need #3: Respect in communication.
Try your hardest not to continually remind him of something he hasn’t done yet—or something he needs to do. Try to word your sentences in a way that doesn’t express disappointment.
Need #4: Respect in public.
The male ego is the most fragile thing on the planet. Try not to criticize him in public, put him down or even question his judgment in front of others.
Need #5: Respect in our assumptions.
Try not to jump to negative conclusions about him. Don’t assume the worst!So next time you’re wishing he would tell you how much he loves you—remember that he desires respect equivalent to your desire!
From: ChicBldv.com
10 communication mistakes parents make
By BRIGITTE ROZARIO
From: Parenthots.com
The way we communicate with our children today is a lot different from how our parents communicated with us. What used to be more of a one-way street is now very much two-way.
Jamilah Samian, a certified professional trainer and author of Cool Mum Super Dad and Cool Boys Super Sons, believes that in order to engage the children of today we need to give them feedback while not stifling them.
“In my time, kids looked at adults as figures of authority and knew that they had to listen to him or her without much questioning. That is not really the mindset of kids these days and it's a good thing, too.
“We want them to be able to think for themselves one day. We're not going to be there all the time for them and we can't do their thinking for them. So, if we were to think long-term, we have to train them to be able to think for themselves.
“If you keep telling them don't do this and don't do that, then how are they going to think for themselves? They need to be given enough space to define a lot of things but if there are certain things that you feel strongly about, then you need to explain to them why rather than saying 'This is the way it's always been done and you should do it this way'. They will really appreciate it if they know why,” she says.
Why you want effective communication
Outlining why we want effective communication with our children, Jamilah says, like it or not, we want to become their reference point, especially in their growing-up years.
“There are so many negative influences outside. When it comes to their decision-making moments, I'm sure all of us, no matter how open-minded we are, want them to make the 'right' decision.
“But we cannot become their reference point if we do not have effective communication with them.”
Another reason for wanting good communication is to impart our values to them. Here, values is not just about Asian or religious values. There are also values like being optimistic, personal responsibility, personal accountability, being non-discriminatory ….
The third reason is to have an enduring and endearing relationship with our children. We want a warm relationship with our children and we can only have such a relationship if we have good communication with them.
Prerequisites
So what are the prerequisites to good communication?
- Believe. If we believe that we can have good and effective communication with our children, then we can have it.
- Attitude. If we want to enjoy good communication with our children, we need to have a positive attitude.
- Skills. It's not enough that we want a good relationship and good communication with our children. If we don't have the right skills we will be repeating communication mistakes over and over again.
- Knowledge. We have to understand ourselves, how we've been raised and we have to understand our children. Much of how we communicate depends on how we have been raised and the environment that shapes us. We need to understand who we are and why we are the person we are.
10 mistakes
With that in mind, Jamilah outlines and explains 10 common communication mistakes that parents make:
1) Having low expectations.
If we have low expectations about the kind of communication we have with our children then we are not going to push ourselves to make it better.
2) Not being able to move forward.
This is related to the low expectations. For example, if there are some issues with our children and we keep bringing up events in the past, we are not able to transcend beyond what has happened in the past, then we are going to get stuck.
The best thing is to just tell yourself, “Today is a new day”. We just have to leave the past in the past. We need to give communication with our children a good chance every day.
We need to keep in mind that change begins with the smallest of things and when we say things could be better, it's not going to be better overnight. If communication has broken down for many years, then we cannot expect it to be better overnight.
3) Jumping to conclusions.
We should allow our children to explain the situation instead of making assumptions and jumping to conclusions.
4) Be specific.
If we are not happy about something, we need to be specific about what it is we are unhappy about rather than generalising and accusing them by saying 'You always do this' or 'You never do that'. Not being specific and using ambiguous words will lead to miscommunication and jumping to conclusions.
5) Not being sensitive to our children's emotions.
When we are tired, angry or stressed, we tend not to be effective communicators. That's not a good time to communicate and there is a risk of being insensitive to their emotions. So, if you are tired or stressed, then wait until you feel better before communicating with your child. If it's not urgent, ask your child if you can talk about it later. If it's urgent, then you'll just have to do it then and there, of course.
6) Information overload.
We tend to communicate a lot of things to our children in one breath. Sometimes, we may not be happy about certain things that our children do and for some reason we don't communicate specifically what we are unhappy with. So it just piles up and piles up until one day we are so angry that it's like a dam breaking and everything goes out and we have forgotten what the specifics are. We don't even remember what we are angry with, and that's when we make generalisations and accusations. That is always something that we need to avoid.
Be specific. Don't say, 'You are lazy, you NEVER …'.
Words like 'never' – we really have to be careful of that.
You really need to be as specific as possible – what do you want them to do.
7) Not taking the chance to listen.
They need a chance to show us what they are capable of. And as much as we love them and are concerned that they might make mistakes, mistakes are the things that make people a lot wiser. So, we need to keep our concerns, worries and anxieties in check. Sometimes we just need to let them go, listen to them and allow them to make their own mistakes.
8) Not being able to rephrase.
Rephrasing is a very effective way to communicate. Effective communication takes place when the intended message gets to the receiver. But how do we make sure that this happens, because sometimes when somebody says something we might hear it another way. If you're not sure, say something to the effect, 'Do you mean to say that …' just to make sure you are on the same page. Being able to rephrase is important, regardless of how old the child is and especially with teenagers.
9) It's not just about listening; it's also about making a connection.
If we don't make the time to connect with our child, it's just a matter of time before there will be distancing between us and our child and then we cannot build trust and respect. Without trust we cannot impart the values we really want to impart to our children.
10) If there is more than one child, we need to spend time communicating with them individually.
When we have more than one, the elder ones are often given less attention. The child's age doesn't matter. Younger and older children need attention. Spend time individually with each child. Perhaps take each one out alone – time alone with mum or dad. Rotate them on a regular basis, perhaps monthly.
Taking time to do this solves a lot of problems, even issues like sibling rivalry that crop up in many families. When we make them feel like they're somebody and not like the rest of the siblings, somehow these issues disappear. If we want them to open up more to us we need to listen more rather than talk more.
From: Parenthots.com
The way we communicate with our children today is a lot different from how our parents communicated with us. What used to be more of a one-way street is now very much two-way.
Jamilah Samian, a certified professional trainer and author of Cool Mum Super Dad and Cool Boys Super Sons, believes that in order to engage the children of today we need to give them feedback while not stifling them.
“In my time, kids looked at adults as figures of authority and knew that they had to listen to him or her without much questioning. That is not really the mindset of kids these days and it's a good thing, too.
“We want them to be able to think for themselves one day. We're not going to be there all the time for them and we can't do their thinking for them. So, if we were to think long-term, we have to train them to be able to think for themselves.
“If you keep telling them don't do this and don't do that, then how are they going to think for themselves? They need to be given enough space to define a lot of things but if there are certain things that you feel strongly about, then you need to explain to them why rather than saying 'This is the way it's always been done and you should do it this way'. They will really appreciate it if they know why,” she says.
Why you want effective communication
Outlining why we want effective communication with our children, Jamilah says, like it or not, we want to become their reference point, especially in their growing-up years.
“There are so many negative influences outside. When it comes to their decision-making moments, I'm sure all of us, no matter how open-minded we are, want them to make the 'right' decision.
“But we cannot become their reference point if we do not have effective communication with them.”
Another reason for wanting good communication is to impart our values to them. Here, values is not just about Asian or religious values. There are also values like being optimistic, personal responsibility, personal accountability, being non-discriminatory ….
The third reason is to have an enduring and endearing relationship with our children. We want a warm relationship with our children and we can only have such a relationship if we have good communication with them.
Prerequisites
So what are the prerequisites to good communication?
- Believe. If we believe that we can have good and effective communication with our children, then we can have it.
- Attitude. If we want to enjoy good communication with our children, we need to have a positive attitude.
- Skills. It's not enough that we want a good relationship and good communication with our children. If we don't have the right skills we will be repeating communication mistakes over and over again.
- Knowledge. We have to understand ourselves, how we've been raised and we have to understand our children. Much of how we communicate depends on how we have been raised and the environment that shapes us. We need to understand who we are and why we are the person we are.
10 mistakes
With that in mind, Jamilah outlines and explains 10 common communication mistakes that parents make:
1) Having low expectations.
If we have low expectations about the kind of communication we have with our children then we are not going to push ourselves to make it better.
2) Not being able to move forward.
This is related to the low expectations. For example, if there are some issues with our children and we keep bringing up events in the past, we are not able to transcend beyond what has happened in the past, then we are going to get stuck.
The best thing is to just tell yourself, “Today is a new day”. We just have to leave the past in the past. We need to give communication with our children a good chance every day.
We need to keep in mind that change begins with the smallest of things and when we say things could be better, it's not going to be better overnight. If communication has broken down for many years, then we cannot expect it to be better overnight.
3) Jumping to conclusions.
We should allow our children to explain the situation instead of making assumptions and jumping to conclusions.
4) Be specific.
If we are not happy about something, we need to be specific about what it is we are unhappy about rather than generalising and accusing them by saying 'You always do this' or 'You never do that'. Not being specific and using ambiguous words will lead to miscommunication and jumping to conclusions.
5) Not being sensitive to our children's emotions.
When we are tired, angry or stressed, we tend not to be effective communicators. That's not a good time to communicate and there is a risk of being insensitive to their emotions. So, if you are tired or stressed, then wait until you feel better before communicating with your child. If it's not urgent, ask your child if you can talk about it later. If it's urgent, then you'll just have to do it then and there, of course.
6) Information overload.
We tend to communicate a lot of things to our children in one breath. Sometimes, we may not be happy about certain things that our children do and for some reason we don't communicate specifically what we are unhappy with. So it just piles up and piles up until one day we are so angry that it's like a dam breaking and everything goes out and we have forgotten what the specifics are. We don't even remember what we are angry with, and that's when we make generalisations and accusations. That is always something that we need to avoid.
Be specific. Don't say, 'You are lazy, you NEVER …'.
Words like 'never' – we really have to be careful of that.
You really need to be as specific as possible – what do you want them to do.
7) Not taking the chance to listen.
They need a chance to show us what they are capable of. And as much as we love them and are concerned that they might make mistakes, mistakes are the things that make people a lot wiser. So, we need to keep our concerns, worries and anxieties in check. Sometimes we just need to let them go, listen to them and allow them to make their own mistakes.
8) Not being able to rephrase.
Rephrasing is a very effective way to communicate. Effective communication takes place when the intended message gets to the receiver. But how do we make sure that this happens, because sometimes when somebody says something we might hear it another way. If you're not sure, say something to the effect, 'Do you mean to say that …' just to make sure you are on the same page. Being able to rephrase is important, regardless of how old the child is and especially with teenagers.
9) It's not just about listening; it's also about making a connection.
If we don't make the time to connect with our child, it's just a matter of time before there will be distancing between us and our child and then we cannot build trust and respect. Without trust we cannot impart the values we really want to impart to our children.
10) If there is more than one child, we need to spend time communicating with them individually.
When we have more than one, the elder ones are often given less attention. The child's age doesn't matter. Younger and older children need attention. Spend time individually with each child. Perhaps take each one out alone – time alone with mum or dad. Rotate them on a regular basis, perhaps monthly.
Taking time to do this solves a lot of problems, even issues like sibling rivalry that crop up in many families. When we make them feel like they're somebody and not like the rest of the siblings, somehow these issues disappear. If we want them to open up more to us we need to listen more rather than talk more.
Budak 10 tahun boleh yang menguasai 10 jenis bahasa.
Bet she's never lost for words! Ten-year-old schoolgirl can speak TEN languages including Kazak and Ugandan
She might only be 10-years-old, but little Sonia Yang can already speak an incredible 10 languages.
And the schoolgirl has been crowned the north west of England's best young linguist after stunning teachers with her detailed knowledge.
The youngster, from Cheadle Hulme, Stockport, was born in Taiwan but moved to England with her family to begin primary school.
When she arrived here, Sonia was already fluent in Japanese, Chinese and English, as well as her native Taiwanese.
But she can also now speak German, French, Spanish, Portuguese and has recently picked up Kazakh and the Ugandan language of Luganda.
More than 5,000 students from across the region entered the language contest.
They were tested on their knowledge of other tongues - as well as their ability to pick up entirely new ones.
For the regional heat of the contest, Sonia, a student at private Greenbank Preparatory School in Stockport, was challenged to learn the Ugandan language known as Lugandan in just a few weeks.
Sonia had previously picked up both Kazak and Portuguese for the qualifying rounds of the contest.
And her German, French and Spanish is spoken with varying degrees of fluency.
Describing her achievement, she said: "Lugandan was easier for me to learn than it might have been for an English person, because some of the words are very similar to Taiwanese and it does get a little easier to learn a new language with each one you try.
"English is definitely my favourite language, everyone can understand you."
She will now go on to represent the region in the national finals in London later this year.
Heather Burnett, the school's deputy head, said: "Sonia is a very bright and hard-working girl - definitely a star.
"Her family moved to England specifically to give her the best education possible and we are delighted they chose Greenbank."
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2050998/Sonia-Yang-10-speak-TEN-languages-including-Kazak-Ugandan.html#ixzz1bO2slq00
She might only be 10-years-old, but little Sonia Yang can already speak an incredible 10 languages.
And the schoolgirl has been crowned the north west of England's best young linguist after stunning teachers with her detailed knowledge.
The youngster, from Cheadle Hulme, Stockport, was born in Taiwan but moved to England with her family to begin primary school.
When she arrived here, Sonia was already fluent in Japanese, Chinese and English, as well as her native Taiwanese.
But she can also now speak German, French, Spanish, Portuguese and has recently picked up Kazakh and the Ugandan language of Luganda.
More than 5,000 students from across the region entered the language contest.
They were tested on their knowledge of other tongues - as well as their ability to pick up entirely new ones.
For the regional heat of the contest, Sonia, a student at private Greenbank Preparatory School in Stockport, was challenged to learn the Ugandan language known as Lugandan in just a few weeks.
Sonia had previously picked up both Kazak and Portuguese for the qualifying rounds of the contest.
And her German, French and Spanish is spoken with varying degrees of fluency.
Describing her achievement, she said: "Lugandan was easier for me to learn than it might have been for an English person, because some of the words are very similar to Taiwanese and it does get a little easier to learn a new language with each one you try.
"English is definitely my favourite language, everyone can understand you."
She will now go on to represent the region in the national finals in London later this year.
Heather Burnett, the school's deputy head, said: "Sonia is a very bright and hard-working girl - definitely a star.
"Her family moved to England specifically to give her the best education possible and we are delighted they chose Greenbank."
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2050998/Sonia-Yang-10-speak-TEN-languages-including-Kazak-Ugandan.html#ixzz1bO2slq00
15 Top Time-Saving Tips - Maria Gracia
http://www.motivation123.com/motivation-tips.html
1. Don't just wait.
Do two or more things at once. Exercise in front
of the TV, while you're catching up on the news,
or watching a favorite program. Sew a missing
button on a blouse, while you're waiting for a
pot to boil.
2. Say no.
You don't have to say yes to every single request
for your help. Schedule a set amount of time each
week for random requests. Once that time slot is
filled, don't take any more requests for your
time that week.
3. Stop running up and down the stairs.
Tired of running up and down the stairs while
you're cleaning? Stock a set of cleaning supplies
on each level of your home.
4. Set up a bill paying area.
Keep a set of bill paying supplies--your bill
paying organizer, a calculator, pens, pencils,
your checkbook, stamps, envelopes and address
labels--in one defined place. Next time you want
to pay bills, you'll be done in a jiffy.
5. Use kitchen shears.
Stop fumbling with knives. You'll be amazed at
the time you can save by simply using kitchen
shears to open bags, chop herbs or cut up fish or
poultry.
6. Book while you're there.
Whenever you visit your doctor, dentist or
hairdresser, bring your datebook and book the
next appointment before you leave the office.
7. Call before you go.
Hate driving all the way to the store or library
and discovering that the DVD or book you wanted
is already checked out? Next time, call before
you leave home and ask if that DVD or book is
available. If it is, great! If not, you've saved
yourself an unnecessary trip.
8. Stop waiting in line.
Make your purchases from the Internet. For the
small amount you'll pay in shipping and handling,
you will have saved time driving to the store,
time waiting in line, and money in fuel costs.
9. Open mail over your recycling container.
Don't carry your mail over to your desk or table
where it's bound to pile up and take hours to go
through later. Open it right over the recycling
container, and get rid of all unnecessary mail
immediately.
10. Stop checking email every 5 minutes.
Email is great, but if you're checking for new
mail every five minutes, you can easily get
distracted and time is going to quickly slip
away. Check for email only once or twice per day.
11. Make lists.
Stop trying to remember everything you have to
do. You're bound to forget something, and it may
result in lost time or a missed appointment.
Write it down and let your list remember for you.
12. Set goals and deadlines.
Know what you have to do, and attach deadlines to
those tasks. Don't waste time constantly having
to think about 'what's next.'
13. Screen your calls.
Don't answer the phone every time it rings. If
you do, you'll find yourself talking to
telemarketers or people who would be more
convenient to talk to at another time. Screen
your calls. Only return those you wish to return.
And call back your friends and relatives during a
set telephone hour later.
14. Get ready the night before.
Stop wasting morning time frantically running
around like a madperson trying to get done to get
to work on time. Do whatever you can to prepare
yourself the night before. Set the breakfast
table. Lay out your clothes, and your kids'
clothes. Have the coffeepot start automatically
by using the timer.
15. Restrict TV Viewing to Your Favorites.
Use your VCR to tape your favorite programs.
Then, watch them during a designated time each
night, or each week--and zap through the
commercials!
--------------------------------------------------
Taking control of your time and your life isn't
impossible, nor is it a mystery.
As Maria explains it...
'Effective time management is not about working
harder. It's not about adding more tasks to your
to do list, or staying up later at night to
complete your lists, or constantly multi-tasking.
'You can become a master of your time simply by
working smarter. Once you know the secrets,
you'll actually work less, but get more done.
You'll also have all the time you need for the
people you love and the things you want to do.'
1. Don't just wait.
Do two or more things at once. Exercise in front
of the TV, while you're catching up on the news,
or watching a favorite program. Sew a missing
button on a blouse, while you're waiting for a
pot to boil.
2. Say no.
You don't have to say yes to every single request
for your help. Schedule a set amount of time each
week for random requests. Once that time slot is
filled, don't take any more requests for your
time that week.
3. Stop running up and down the stairs.
Tired of running up and down the stairs while
you're cleaning? Stock a set of cleaning supplies
on each level of your home.
4. Set up a bill paying area.
Keep a set of bill paying supplies--your bill
paying organizer, a calculator, pens, pencils,
your checkbook, stamps, envelopes and address
labels--in one defined place. Next time you want
to pay bills, you'll be done in a jiffy.
5. Use kitchen shears.
Stop fumbling with knives. You'll be amazed at
the time you can save by simply using kitchen
shears to open bags, chop herbs or cut up fish or
poultry.
6. Book while you're there.
Whenever you visit your doctor, dentist or
hairdresser, bring your datebook and book the
next appointment before you leave the office.
7. Call before you go.
Hate driving all the way to the store or library
and discovering that the DVD or book you wanted
is already checked out? Next time, call before
you leave home and ask if that DVD or book is
available. If it is, great! If not, you've saved
yourself an unnecessary trip.
8. Stop waiting in line.
Make your purchases from the Internet. For the
small amount you'll pay in shipping and handling,
you will have saved time driving to the store,
time waiting in line, and money in fuel costs.
9. Open mail over your recycling container.
Don't carry your mail over to your desk or table
where it's bound to pile up and take hours to go
through later. Open it right over the recycling
container, and get rid of all unnecessary mail
immediately.
10. Stop checking email every 5 minutes.
Email is great, but if you're checking for new
mail every five minutes, you can easily get
distracted and time is going to quickly slip
away. Check for email only once or twice per day.
11. Make lists.
Stop trying to remember everything you have to
do. You're bound to forget something, and it may
result in lost time or a missed appointment.
Write it down and let your list remember for you.
12. Set goals and deadlines.
Know what you have to do, and attach deadlines to
those tasks. Don't waste time constantly having
to think about 'what's next.'
13. Screen your calls.
Don't answer the phone every time it rings. If
you do, you'll find yourself talking to
telemarketers or people who would be more
convenient to talk to at another time. Screen
your calls. Only return those you wish to return.
And call back your friends and relatives during a
set telephone hour later.
14. Get ready the night before.
Stop wasting morning time frantically running
around like a madperson trying to get done to get
to work on time. Do whatever you can to prepare
yourself the night before. Set the breakfast
table. Lay out your clothes, and your kids'
clothes. Have the coffeepot start automatically
by using the timer.
15. Restrict TV Viewing to Your Favorites.
Use your VCR to tape your favorite programs.
Then, watch them during a designated time each
night, or each week--and zap through the
commercials!
--------------------------------------------------
Taking control of your time and your life isn't
impossible, nor is it a mystery.
As Maria explains it...
'Effective time management is not about working
harder. It's not about adding more tasks to your
to do list, or staying up later at night to
complete your lists, or constantly multi-tasking.
'You can become a master of your time simply by
working smarter. Once you know the secrets,
you'll actually work less, but get more done.
You'll also have all the time you need for the
people you love and the things you want to do.'
Doa seorang sahabat
(DOA SEORANG SAHABAT)
Sebuah kapal karam diterjang badai hebat. Hanya dua lelaki yang dapat menyelamatkan diri dan berenang ke pulau kecil yang gersang. Dua orang yang selamat itu tak tahu apa yang harus dilakukan kecuali berdoa. Untuk mengetahui doa siapakah yang paling dikabulkan, mereka sepakat pergi ke daerah berasingan dan mereka tinggal berjauhan.
Doa pertama, mereka memohon diturunkan makanan. Esok harinya, lelaki PERTAMA melihat sebuah pohon penuh buah-buahan tumbuh di sisi tempat tinggalnya. Sedangkan di daerah tempat tinggal lelaki KEDUA tetap kosong.
Seminggu kemudian. Lelaki PERTAMA merasa kesepian dan memutuskan berdoa agar diberikan isteri, keesokan harinya, ada kapal karam dan satu-satunya penumpang yang selamat adalah seorang wanita yang terdampar di sisi pulau tepat lelaki PERTAMA tinggal. Sedangkan di sisi tempat tinggal lelaki KEDUA tetap saja tidak ada apa-apa.
Segera saja, lelaki PERTAMA ini berdoa memohon rumah, pakaian dan makanan. Keesokan harinya, seperti keajaiban, semua yang diminta hadir untuknya. Sedangkan lelaki yang KEDUA tetap saja tidak mendapatkan apa-apa.
Akhirnya, lelaki PERTAMA ini berdoa meminta kapal agar ia dan isterinya dapat meninggalkan pulau itu. Pagi siang hari mereka menemui kapal tertambat di sisi pantainya. Segera saja lelaki PERTAMA dan isterinya naik ke atas kapal dan siap-siap berlayar meninggalkan pulau itu. Ia pun memutuskan meninggalkan lelaki KEDUA yang tinggal di sisi lain pulau. Menurutnya lelaki KEDUA itu tidak pantas menerima keajaiban tersebut kerana doa-doanya tak pernah terkabulkan.
Apabila kapal siap berangkat, lelaki PERTAMA mendengar suara dari langit, “Hai. Mengapa engkau meninggalkan rakanmu yang ada di sisi lain pulau ini?”
“Berkatku hanyalah milikku sendiri, hanya kerana doakulah yang dikabulkan,” jawab lelaki PERTAMA.
“Doa temanku itu tak satupun dikabulkan. Maka ia tak pantas mendapatkan apa-apa,”
“Kau salah!” suara itu berteriak
“Tahukah kau bahwa rakanmu itu hanya memiliki SATU DOA. Dan semua doanya dikabulkan. Jika tidak, maka kau takkan mendapatkan apa-apa.”
Lelaki PERTAMA bertanya, “Doa bagaimanakah yang dia panjatkan sehingga aku harus berhutang atas semua ini padanya?”
“Dia berdoa agar semua doamu dikabulkan”
p/s :-"Kesombongan macam manakah yang membuat kita merasa lebih baik dari yang lain? Banyak orang yang telah mengorbankan segalanya demi kebahagiaan kita. Tak selayaknya kita mengabaikan peranan orang lain, dan janganlah menilai sesuatu hanya dari “yang terlihat” saja."
Terima kasih
Sebenarnya, masalah merupakan peluang untuk membuatkan diri kita menjadi kuat..
Berterima kasihlah kepada orang yang telah menyusahkan dan mengecewakan kita,
Kerana dia telah melatih kegigihan hati kita..
Berterima kasihlah kepada orang yang telah menipu kita,
Kerana dia telah menambah pengalaman kita.
Berterima kasihlah kepada orang yang telah mengejar kita
Kerana dia telah membuatkan kita berlari sangat kencang,
melebihi kelajuan normal kita..
Berterima kasihlah kepada Orang yang telah menjatuhkan kita,
kerana dia telah menguatkan Kemampuan kita..
Berterima kasihlah kepada orang yang telah memarahi kita,
Kerana dia telah membantu menumbuhkan Ketenangan & Kebijaksanaan kita..
Berterima kasihlah kepada semua orang yang telah membuat kita kuat, tabah & berjaya.
sumber: akuislam.blogspot
Nilai tudung seorang wanita
Bila wanita menjaga auratnya dari pandangan lelaki bukan muhram, bukan sahaja dia menjaga maruah dirinya, malah maruah wanita mukmin keseluruhannya. Harga diri wanita terlalu mahal. Ini kerana syariat telah menetapkan supaya wanita berpakaian longgar dengan warna yang tidak menarik serta menutup seluruh badannya dari kepala hingga ke kaki.
Kalau dibuat perbandingan dari segi harta dunia seperti intan dan berlian, ianya dibungkus dengan rapi dan disimpan pula di dalam peti besi yang berkunci. Begitu juga diumpamakan dengan wanita, Kerana wanita yang bermaruah tidak akan mempamerkan tubuh badan di khalayak umum. Mereka masih boleh tampil di hadapan masyarakat bersesuaian dengan garisan syarak. Wanita tidak sepatutnya mengorbankan maruah dan dirinya semata-mata untuk mengejar pangkat, darjat, nama, harta dan kemewahan dunia.
Menyentuh berkenaan pakaian wanita, alhamdulillah sekarang telah ramai wanita yang menjaga auratnya, sekurang-kurangnya dengan memakai tudung. Dapat kita saksikan di sana sini wanita mula memakai tudung. Pemakaian tudung penutup aurat sudah melanda dari peringkat bawahan hingga kepada peringkat atasan. Samada dari golongan pelajar-pelajar sekolah hinggalah kepada pekerja-pekerja pejabat-pejabat.
Walaupun pelbagai gaya tudung diperaga dan dipakai, namun pemakaiannya masih tidak lengkap dan sempurna. Masih lagi menampakkan batang leher, dada dan sebagainya. Ada yang memakai tudung, tetapi pada masa yang sama memakai kain belah bawah atau berseluar ketat dan sebagainya.
Pelbagai warna dan pelbagai fesyen tudung turut direka untuk wanita-wanita Islam kini. Ada rekaan tudung yang dipakai dengan songkok di dalamnya, dihias pula dengan kerongsang (broach) yang menarik. Labuci warna-warni dijahit pula di atasnya. Dan berbagai-bagai gaya lagi yang dipaparkan dalam majalah dan suratkhabar fesyen untuk tudung.
Rekaan itu kesemuanya bukan bertujuan untuk mengelakkan fitnah, sebaliknya menambahkan fitnah ke atas wanita. Walhal sepatutnya pakaian bagi seorang wanita mukmin itu adalah bukan sahaja menutup auratnya, malah sekaligus menutup maruahnya sebagai seorang wanita. Iaitu pakaian dan tudung yang tidak menampakkan bentuk tubuh badan wanita, dan tidak berhias-hias yang mana akan menjadikan daya tarikan kepada lelaki bukan muhramnya.
Sekaligus pakaian boleh melindungi wanita dari menjadi bahan gangguan lelaki yang tidak bertanggungjawab. Bilamana wanita bertudung tetapi masih berhias-hias, maka terjadilah pakaian wanita Islam sekarang walaupun bertudung, tetapi semakin membesarkan riak dan bangga dalam diri. Sombong makin bertambah. Jalan mendabik dada. Terasa tudung kitalah yang paling cantik, up-to-date, sofistikated, bergaya, ada kelas dan sebagainya. Bertudung, tapi masih ingin bergaya.
Kesimpulannya, tudung yang kita pakai tidak membuahkan rasa kehambaan. Kita tidak merasakan diri ini hina, banyak berdosa dengan Tuhan mahupun dengan manusia. Kita tidak terasa bahawa menegakkan syariat dengan bertudung ini hanya satu amalan yang kecil yang mampu kita laksanakan. Kenapa hati mesti berbunga dan berbangga bila boleh memakai tudung?
Ada orang bertudung tetapi lalai atau tidak bersembahyang. Ada orang yang bertudung tapi masih lagi berkepit dan keluar dengan teman lelaki . Ada orang bertudung yang masih terlibat dengan pergaulan bebas. Ada orang bertudung yang masih menyentuh tangan-tangan lelaki yang bukan muhramnya. Dan bermacam-macam lagi maksiat yang dibuat oleh orang-orang bertudung termasuk kes-kes besar seperti zina, khalwat dan sebagainya.
Jadi, nilai tudung sudah dicemari oleh orang-orang yang sebegini. Orang Islam lain yang ingin ikut jejak orang-orang bertudung pun tersekat melihat sikap orang-orang yang mencemari hukum Islam. Mereka rasakan bertudung atau menutup aurat sama sahaja dengan tidak bertudung. Lebih baik tidak bertudung. Mereka rasa lebih bebas lagi. Orang-orang bukan Islam pula tawar hati untuk masuk Islam kerana sikap umat Islam yang tidak menjaga kemuliaan hukum-hakam Islam.
Walaupun bertudung, perangai mereka sama sahaja dengan orang-orang bukan Islam. Mereka tidak nampak perbezaan agama Islam dengan agama mereka. Lihatlah betapa besarnya peranan tudung untuk dakwah orang lain. Selama ini kita tidak sedar diri kitalah agen bagi Islam. Kita sebenarnya pendakwah Islam. Dakwah kita bukan seperti pendakwah lain tapi hanya melalui pakaian.
Kalau kita menutup aurat, tetapi tidak terus memperbaiki diri zahir dan batin dari masa ke semasa, kitalah punca gagalnya mesej Islam untuk disampaikan. Jangan lihat orang lain. Islam itu bermula dari diri kita sendiri. Ini tidak bermakna kalau akhlak belum boleh jadi baik tidak boleh pakai tudung. Aurat, wajib ditutup tapi dalam masa yang sama, perbaikilah kesilapan diri dari masa ke semasa. Tudung di luar tudung di dalam (hati).
Buang perangai suka mengumpat, berdengki, berbangga, ego, riak dan lain-lain penyakit hati. Walau apapun, kewajipan bertudung tidak terlepas dari tanggungjawab setiap wanita Muslim. Samada baik atau tidak akhlak mereka, itu adalah antara mereka dengan Allah. Amat tidak wajar jika kita mengatakan si polanah itu walaupun bertudung, namun tetap berbuat kemungkaran.
Berbuat kemungkaran adalah satu dosa, manakala tidak menutup aurat dengan menutup aurat adalah satu dosa lain. Kalau sudah mula menutup aurat, elak-elaklah diri dari suka bertengkar. Hiasi diri dengan sifat tolak ansur. Sentiasa bermanis muka. Elakkan pergaulan bebas lelaki perempuan. Jangan lagi berjalan ke hulu ke hilir dengan teman lelaki.
Serahkan pada Allah tentang jodoh. Memang Allah sudah tetapkan jodoh masing-masing. Yakinlah pada ketentuan qada' dan qadar dari Allah. Apabila sudah menutup aurat, cuba kita tingkatkan amalan lain. Cuba jangan tinggal sembahyang lagi terutama dalam waktu bekerja. Cuba didik diri menjadi orang yang lemah-lembut. Buang sifat kasar dan sifat suka bercakap dengan suara meninggi. Buang sikap suka mengumpat, suka mengeji dan mengata hal orang lain. jaga tertib sebagai seorang wanita.
Jaga diri dan maruah sebagai wanita Islam. Barulah nampak Islam itu indah dan cantik kerana indah dan cantiknya akhlak yang menghiasi peribadi wanita muslimah. Barulah orang terpikat untuk mengamalkan Islam. Dengan ini, orang bukan Islam akan mula hormat dan mengakui "Islam is really beautiful." Semuanya bila individu Islam itu sudah cantik peribadinya.
Oleh itu wahai wanita-wanita Islam sekalian, anda mesti mengorak langkah sekarang sebagai agen pengembang agama melalui pakaian.
Artikel Wanita Cinta ini telah dikirimkan oleh anai di Forum Tentang Cinta.
sumber: www.tentangcinta.com
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